Shape Of My Heart Read online

  Her breathing was fine and her head seemed okay too; she just really had fainted at the sight of the rats. He’d call pest control later, right now he was going to call Zelda. She’d wound him up the wrong way and he wasn’t going to be forced into anything.

  He grabbed his phone and dialed the number. Zelda answered within the first ring. He opened with a mouthful of curses that fell off the tip of his tongue.

  “You ass-backwards bastard, don’t you dare speak to me like that,” Zelda retorted. One thing about her was that she didn’t tiptoe around him because he was grieving. He’d never known her to go soft on him and she wasn’t about to now. She served back twice as much as she got in an argument.

  “I don’t need a PA.”

  “Son, you seem to be living in a dream world, but let’s not pussyfoot around the situation,” she balked. “If you don’t want to play for the team, resign. It’s simple. Just resign. Until your management informs me of your resignation, you sure as my ass ain’t skinny will have a PA. Now deal with it and make sure you shape up for the ESPN show. Or leave.”

  She didn’t give him the chance to reply. He heard the phone slam down on her end and the line went dead.

  Feeling frustrated, he threw his phone into the wall and watched it smash. He’d never felt so torn in his life and so damn conflicted.

  Josh didn’t want to retire, and he didn’t want to play, either. And he didn’t want to go to this stupid ESPN show. After that it would be one public appearance after another. People would ask how he was doing and he wouldn’t know what to tell them. He wouldn’t know what to say.

  It had only been six months. Jesus, just six months since the accident that took away everything from him, and everyone was acting like he’d had enough time to grieve and be fine. Make decisions and be his old self again.

  And as for this PA, it was all wrong. He didn’t want her there. She didn’t need to be there. He was certain he could do whatever was required of him in his own time. Besides, look at her, she didn’t look like a PA. He turned to face her and thought she looked like one of the dolls his sister used to play with when she was little.

  She appeared smaller lying down than when she stood up, almost childlike. But the silky gray blouse she wore that molded to her fully rounded breasts enunciated that she was every inch a desirable woman and showed off her shapely feminine curves.

  His eyes roamed over her figure, appreciating her assets. Unlike most women he admired, she had a sort of angelic, ethereal presence about her that really stood out. Maybe it was because he was always used to loose women who threw themselves at him and hadn’t taken note of women like her. Josh may have been off his face drunk yesterday, but he remembered the mortified look she gave him when she saw him checking her out.

  She shouldn’t be here. Truth be told, he was hoping that telling her to clean yesterday would have gotten rid of her. His last PA was a guy and he couldn’t stand the mess either. Back then Josh had a maid, but apparently she left because he hit on her. He couldn’t remember. So many people came and went, and his days all seemed to roll into one. Sometimes he didn’t know what he was doing, or saying.

  She stirred a little and he poked her arm again, trying to wake her.

  “Girl, woman.” She looked young, like early-twenties young, so he wasn’t sure which was best. He also couldn’t remember her name. “PA person.” He shook her arm again.

  Still nothing, just that stir.

  He looked at her and thought she would be right at home in one of them family films like The Wizard of Oz or sitcoms like The Brady Bunch. He smiled as the perfect name for her came to him.

  “Hey Kansas, wake up.” He almost laughed when her green eyes fluttered open. Her eyes widened as she looked at him, trying to work out who he was and where she was.

  As realization hit her she jumped up and looked about her with that terrified expression she had earlier when the rat ran over her foot.

  “You have rats,” she shrieked.

  “They live here.”

  She glowered at him, looking at him as if he was crazy. “How can you say that? They’re rats. And they weren’t even pet rats either.”

  “Like I said, they live here. If you don’t like them you can leave.” He drew his brows together and glared at her.

  “I don’t like it, and no I won’t leave. I’m here to work and if you don’t like it you can call the cops on me.”

  He almost laughed again. She certainly had spunk. He kind of liked that.

  “This is my house,” he reminded her. That stalled her a little, but didn’t stop her.

  “I’m you’re PA. There’s a lot that needs to be done. Particularly in preparation for your public appearances, and your upcoming game. Don’t you want all of that organized so you can just worry about playing and training? Or whatever it is you do during this time?”

  He thought about what she was saying and what Zelda said. They both had relevant points, but he decided he couldn’t be bothered to deal with this now. He didn’t know what he wanted and what he was going to do. Everything was a mess and he couldn’t make any rational decisions.

  He’d have to think about what he was doing, but not now. He was already more sober than he usually was at this hour and he feared the impending guilt that would hit him full force if he remained this way.

  Allegra and Cindy were upstairs waiting for him, and he just wanted to grab more beer and get back to them.

  “Mr. Mancini—”

  He held his hand up, interrupting her. “If you must stay here, please don’t call me that. Mr. Mancini is my father. Call me Josh.”

  She held his gaze with those emerald eyes of hers and he found himself lost in her beauty.

  “Josh, the house is a mess. You need to have it cleaned, and call pest control. You can’t have rats running around like they live here.”

  He smiled at her as a plan brewed in his mind. He wouldn’t get rid of her. No, that would cause too much trouble. He’d just drive her crazy, just like the last PA, and she’d leave on her own accord. Then he could let Zelda and the senior management know he could do everything himself.

  “No, you can sort that out.”

  He watched her full lips tighten and her eyes widen again. Then he walked off to grab his drinks before she could protest.

  What an absolute jerk! An absolute jerk. He didn’t even ask her if she was okay. What kind of person was so heartless?

  Amy had fainted because he was so nasty he had disgusting rats in his house, and he was practically on the brink of throwing her out again. No decent person did that.

  She took a moment to steady her fuzzy mind, and when she did she called pest control and asked them to come straight away. Thankfully they came within the hour and managed to catch the two rats. They also set traps for any others that might announce themselves.

  Mr. Mancini—Josh—didn’t come down the whole time the pest control men were here. He just stayed upstairs with those women doing only God knew what. Or, maybe God himself didn’t want to know. The whole thing made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

  She was still feeling unsteady from the incident earlier, but pushed aside her feelings and focused on working. Amy resumed her cleaning tasks in the office and managed to get it to a reasonable degree so she could get herself started on her actual work. She thought she’d tackle the other parts of the house later.

  She turned on the computer just to see how many emails there were, and when she did her heart almost jumped out of her chest. She had 33,205 emails to work her way through and that landmine of letters. It was crazy, completely crazy.

  Feeling faint again, she chose the letters first because that would also be filing and tidying the office. She also didn’t think she could stand staring at the computer screen for so long. She’d have to set aside a day for that.

  She heard voices in the corridor as she opened up the first letter. It was the women. They were talking excitedly about shopping. She then heard the front door o
pen and close as they left.

  Josh came into the office. “I need these.” He held his hand out towards her with a small piece of paper between his fingers.

  She assessed him, he seemed different from earlier. He was drunk again. Just like yesterday.

  “What do you need?” she asked, resting the letters she held down on the table.

  She walked over to him and took it. It was a list.

  “You can get most of these at the drugstore,” Josh slurred.

  The first item on the list raised her eyes to him with disgust.

  It was a large box of extra-extra-large condoms, ribbed, which he wrote in capital letters. He also wanted five bottles of lubricant, all different flavors, and ten cases of beer.

  “I am not getting these.” She shook her head. But he only responded with a laugh.

  “Yes Kansas, you will. Aren’t you my personal assistant? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Personally assist. Now go and assist me with my needs before my women come back.”

  Lord Jesus, she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this. As she looked at the air of menace on his face and saw how serious he was she felt the backs of her eyes sting. This was day two, and she’d already been through so much.

  Her hands shook, as did her body, and she was ready to scream at him, but the image of her mother’s face and her frail body lying in the hospital bed after her last surgery sprung to her mind.

  It sprung to her mind and stilled her soul, giving her strength to take the list from him.

  She walked past him, heading towards the door and holding back the tears so she wouldn’t cry in front of him.

  “Oh yeah. Hold on Kansas.” He caught up to her.

  “Why are you calling me that?” she hissed. He could at least call her by name.

  “You’re my PA. I’ll call you what the hell ever I want, Kansas.” He gave a cruel laugh. Then took hold of her elbow and ushered her to the sitting room. “Do you see that?” He pointed ahead to the glass wall.

  “What am I looking at?”

  “That kid,” he hissed.

  She had seen the boy when she first looked but didn’t think he was actually referring to him as a that. “You know what’s worse than your four-legged friends from this morning? Those things.”

  She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes. “You mean children?”

  “Yes. Children. Get rid of it.”

  He really was vile, and simply just awful. What kind of man was he?

  The boy looked to be no more than ten. He had short dark hair, a backpack on his back, and a football shirt. But it wasn’t any ordinary football shirt. It had number forty-eight big and bold on the front. Above the numbers was the Gladiators’ logo and below that was written Mancini. The boy held a football under his arm and just stood there looking on as if he was waiting for something.

  Her heart broke as she watched him.

  Josh cleared his throat and inclined his head to the side, taking pleasure in her reaction. “Get rid of him and tell him not to come back, or I’ll call the cops and have him sent to juvie.”

  He was serious; every word he said reflected the seriousness in his voice. Even if he was drunk. She was speechless.

  “Okay.”

  He smiled the same cruel smile and laid a heavy hand on her shoulder. “Good, I’m starting to like this relationship of ours. Having a PA definitely has its perks.”

  As she watched him saunter away she planned to call her mother’s consultant when she finished work. She wanted to get his thoughts on the maximum time that her mother could wait for the surgery. Last time when they spoke he said it was imperative that they plan for the surgery, but he also knew they had no more money.

  Maybe she’d jumped into this too quickly without thinking. If her mother could wait, then she’d find another job. Maybe she could go back to New York and Teddy would give her her old job back.

  All she knew for certain was that she couldn’t stay here. Not with this man who had to be the optimum definition of the worst guy she’d ever ever met in her life.

  Chapter 4

  “Hi, my name’s Riley,” the boy said with a bright smile that made his brown eyes sparkle. He looked like a sweet kid with his adorable full cheeks and long lashes.

  “Hey Riley. I’m Amy.” She smiled down at him. The wind picked up her hair and blew it up behind her. She tucked the strands that had come forward behind her ear.

  “Did you just come from inside Joshua Mancini’s house?” Excitement beamed from his eyes.

  “Yeah. I did.” She was trying to think of the right words to say. How was she supposed to tell this sweet boy to move away from the property and don’t come back?

  What kind of person would talk to a kid like that?

  People spoke to her like that a lot when she was a child, including her father. Especially him, actually. People like him shouldn’t be allowed to have children. Just like Josh.

  “Do you think he’d sign my ball? I come here every chance I get hoping to catch him. I’m his biggest fan.”

  This was heartbreaking.

  Amy pulled in a breath. “I don’t think he’ll be able to sign the ball for you, Riley.” His face fell and the disappointment in his eyes made her feel guilty. “Not today. But perhaps some other time.” She couldn’t help herself. She felt bad to disappoint him. She’d been through it so many times that she couldn’t bring herself to do it to another person—a child for that matter.

  He smiled. “Do you work for him?”

  Did she? Right now she didn’t. And she wouldn’t be stepping foot back in that house unless she had to. Her hopes were hanging on her mother’s consultant. She knew what was discussed before and the urgency in the matter, but here was hoping. She was just hoping he’d say she had some time. That would give room for flexibility.

  “Kind of,” she decided to tell him. “What about you, did school just finish?”

  “Yes, I come here sometimes after school, then make my way to Cyranose to meet my mom.”

  “Cyranose?” Sounded interesting.

  “It’s a cool restaurant, and there’s a basketball court and a mini football pitch where I play with my friends.”

  “Do you want some company for the walk over?” The area was nice. It was Malibu Beach, of course it would be beautiful, and while she was here it would be cool to explore. The part of the beach she’d found this morning was lush and peaceful. She could imagine relaxing there with a dog and that hot cocoa with cinnamon she’d dreamed up. This morning seemed like it was years ago.

  “Sure. I can introduce you to my mom and her friend. They love the Mancini Machine.”

  The Mancini Machine. She remembered seeing that in her research. It was what Josh’s fans called him. She wondered if anyone had any idea on what Josh was really like. Zelda said they kept his life out of the media, but someone somewhere must have seen something. Maybe if they had, Zelda’s company had paid them off before the story got published. Perhaps that was how it all worked out.

  “That’s nice.” It was best to be neutral.

  “I want to be him when I grow up. I’m going to do everything he’s done too. That’s my goal.”

  Amy hoped not. His words pulled on her heart, and it almost felt like telling a child that Santa Claus wasn’t real, so she listened and kept her mouth shut.

  Riley’s eyes sparkled. “He’s the best player ever. Did you see his last game?”

  “No. I didn’t. Do you want to tell me about it?” That was her attempt to be neutral and not crush his little vision. She didn’t doubt that Josh was a great player. It was his personality that was the problem.

  Riley couldn’t have looked happier, and as they walked along the beach all Amy heard was how wonderful Josh was. Riley was able to tell her everything about Josh’s games and all the special moves he used to help his team win. She was impressed at the details Riley gave and agreed that he had to be Josh’s biggest fan. The kid had not only watched him play, but it was li
ke he knew his thought process too. It was quite remarkable to listen to.

  “There’s my mom.” Riley waved at a Latina-looking lady who had long black hair that flowed out against the wind. She sat at a table outside the restaurant with another lady who looked similar. Both were stunning with their shiny hair and golden skin. She wondered if they were models. Everyone she’d come in contact with since being here looked like that.

  Amy felt slightly out of place because her clothes were dirty and her hair was a mess. She was also certain she smelled as bad as the house, too, and possibly essence of rat. She’d washed her foot as best as she could but she couldn’t get over that an actual rat had touched her skin. She shuddered at the memory.

  “Come, I’m sure they’ll love you.” Riley smiled.

  What a sweet boy. She followed Riley over to his mom who stood up and smiled warmly as she approached.

  “Hey there,” she said. The other lady acknowledged her too. Amy could see that she had unusual honey-colored eyes that made her look even more stunning.

  “Hi, I’m Amy. I was just…” What should she say she was doing?

  “Mom, she works for Joshua Mancini!” Riley filled in with vibrant excitement.

  “Really?” the ladies both said with equal enthusiasm.

  “I’m temporary. Very temporary, as in I’m…” She wanted to maintain that neutral balance, but saying anything else would throw her off the path. And Riley was there.

  “Riley babe, why don’t you go play some ball with Santos.” It was like she could sense Amy’s distress.

  Riley happily rushed away.

  Once he’d moved a safe distance, his mother returned her gaze to Amy and smiled. “Let me guess, did he hit on you?”

  Amy smiled, glad that she didn’t have to continue with the façade. “Not entirely. You wouldn’t believe if I told you what I’ve been through in the last one-and-a-half days.”

  They both started laughing. “Sit.” She pointed to the empty seat opposite her. “I’m Gabriella and this is Hilda.”

  Hilda did a neat bow of her dark head as she was introduced. Amy sat and smiled at them both.